San Francisco, June 15th - A day for the Weirdy Books

We awoke today in our sub-par hotel on Van Ness in San Francisco to the constant knocking of the maids. We arrived in the city yesterday with high hopes of the two open mics that Pat and Mark were scheduled to play. Finding a parking spot was like finding a parking spot in a city, with a festival going on. The weather was nice, everything was good (and normal), but there were clouds and weird times on the horizon.
We found the venue- Octavia Lounge. Off the bat, I knew it was a gay bar, and the waiters inside sealed the deal. Ok, new demographic for Pat. We parked, found free Wi-Fi(the story of our days), took a quick, free Tango lesson and returned to the lounge for sign-ups for the "open mic."
My words will not do this scene justice: An old, colorful, cartoon like lady stood outside the joint smoking a cigarette as we entered. It was empty, with a few patrons and a couple gay waiters in black. The night's coordinators were late. They were two guys in their mid 50's, resembling Robin Williams in "The Bird Cage." They signed up, before finding out that it was a Cabaret style show. Not exactly what we had in mind. The two flamboyant hosts started the show with some show tunes and the acts went down hill from there. Pat started to feel very strange, but the weirdest was yet to come. We were told that tonight was someone's surprise birthday party, so the lounge began to fill with friends in party hats. We started to have second thoughts. Mark decided it would not be easy for them both to play, as they lacked the equipment needed for a two man act. A hobbit-like old guy took the stage in his long gray beard and started to sing God knows what. I saw sheer terror in Pat's eyes. I have never seen him so nervous and bugged out before playing, but the show must go on.
"She's here...ok...Surprise!!" a crowd of people yelled as the elderly birthday girl entered, and started to cry. Pat walked out of the bathroom as they sung her Happy Birthday. And...then it was his turn to go up, and sing to the lady.
The host came over to us, we told him it would just be Pat and he replied, "Mark, you son of a bitch, where's your guit-fiddle??"( that could sum up the entire night). And then Pat was thrown to the wolves, or in this case- middle aged gay men, and the wrinkly birthday girl and her crew. I felt like I needed a Xanex but they were in the car. None of us felt like we were actually living, and Pat proceeded to play an original acoustic song in a cabaret-gay lounge for a 75 year old lady's surprise birthday party. I will say this could have easily been the pinnacle of his music career. As we quickly left the lounge, one of the waiters said to Pat, "You should so try out for 'Idol', you got the voice." We needed a cigarette asap.
The next open mic was more like what we were looking for, but Mark was thrown out for not being 21, and Pat, once again, played alone to a couple of people sitting at the bar. Sold a CD and left. Searched for a hotel for about an hour. Weird day.

-Jon